Beyond the duvet: What your child really needs to take to university?

Written By: Philippa Charrier

We prepare teenagers for university with duvets, saucepans and laundry baskets. But do they know how to sleep, eat, make friends and look after themselves when we are no longer in the room?

Every summer, as parents prepare to send their children to university, the same packing lists begin circulating.

Duvet. Towels. Saucepans. Extension lead. Laundry basket. Tin opener. Enough mugs to supply a small café.

By moving day, the car is so full that nobody can see out of the back window, and it feels as though we have equipped our children to survive a minor apocalypse. Yet after more than a decade working with students and designing student accommodation, I have come to believe that we are missing a rather more important list.

We spend years preparing young people to get into university. We make sure they have the right qualifications, submit their applications, arrange their finance and find somewhere to live. Then we pack up their belongings and send them away with instructions not to mix whites and colours.

But how much time do we spend preparing them to live there?

For many young people, university is the first time they become responsible for almost everything at once: their sleep, food, money, routines, friendships, environment and emotional wellbeing. The familiar scaffolding of family life disappears overnight, just as they are expected to navigate a new city, a demanding course and an entirely unfamiliar social world.

It is an exciting transition, but it can also be a difficult one. The 2025 Unite Students Applicant Index found that almost one in four university applicants felt lonely all or most of the time.

The things that will have the greatest influence on how students feel, function and perform are not necessarily the expensive gadgets, matching kitchenware or decorative bedroom accessories. They are the things that help them sleep properly, eat reasonably well, move, get outside, manage stress and connect with other people.

So, alongside the duvet and the tin opener, what should we really send them with?

I would start with a comfortable pillow, a sleep mask, earplugs and an old-fashioned alarm clock.

Sleep may not be the most exciting subject to discuss with a teenager preparing for Freshers’ Week, but it influences memory, concentration, learning, and emotional regulation- exactly the things we expect students to do a lot.

Unfortunately, university life is not always particularly compatible with it. Student bedrooms can be bright, noisy or too warm. Flatmates may come home at two in the morning, blackout curtains are not guaranteed, and phones remain inches from the pillow.

Many students sleep with their phone beside them because it also serves as their alarm. Once it is there, the temptation to keep scrolling is enormous. A separate alarm clock allows the phone to charge on the other side of the room, reducing the temptation to reach for it during the night or begin scrolling the moment they wake up.

A small bedside lamp with a warm light is another useful addition. It allows students to turn off harsh overhead lighting in the evening and makes an unfamiliar bedroom feel calmer.

That sense of familiarity matters more than we sometimes realise. One day, your child is sleeping in a room surrounded by 18 years of their life. The next, they are looking at magnolia walls, an unfamiliar mattress and a fire-safety notice.

A few photographs, a favourite blanket, a cushion or some familiar objects can help a new room feel safer and more personal. A plant can soften an institutional space, provided your child can keep it alive.

The goal is not to create the most Instagrammable bedroom in halls. It is to create somewhere that supports sleep, study and a sense of belonging.

Daylight matters too. Encourage them to open their curtains when they wake rather than spending the first hour of the day in a darkened room looking at their phone. Morning light helps signal to the body that the day has begun and supports the natural rhythms that govern sleep and wakefulness.

Then there is food.

I am not suggesting that every teenager should leave home as a Michelin-starred chef, but I would strongly recommend that they can cook three or four simple meals without needing to Google every step. That skill will be more useful than half the things we put into their kitchen box.

Before they leave, teach them a few cheap, forgiving meals: a pasta dish, chilli, curry, stir-fry, omelette or tray bake. Something they can cook in bulk and eat again the next day is even better.

They do not need 12 pans or an array of fashionable kitchen appliances. They need one decent saucepan, a frying pan, a baking tray, a sharp knife, a chopping board and some food-storage containers. Add a reusable water bottle and a few basic seasonings, so their first attempt at cooking does not require buying 20 ingredients.

Cooking is important for another reason: food creates connection.

Making a large pan of chilli and asking flatmates if they would like some may do more for a nervous fresher than another night spent trying to make conversation in a nightclub. A shared kitchen is not simply somewhere to prepare food. It can be one of the most important social spaces in a student building: somewhere people naturally cross paths, linger and slowly become comfortable around one another.

You cannot pack friendship into a suitcase, unfortunately, but you can pack a few things that make connecting easier. A pack of cards or a simple game can be surprisingly helpful during the first few weeks. So can taking a couple of extra mugs.

I am serious about the mugs.

There is something wonderfully uncomplicated about asking, “Would you like a cup of tea?” when you do not quite know what else to say.

We should also remind young people that friendships do not have to begin in a nightclub. They can begin over pasta, in a queue, at a society meeting, on the walk to a lecture or around a kitchen table.

One of the most useful things a new student can do is also one of the hardest: put their phone away.

A phone can feel like a safety blanket when we are alone or uncomfortable. It saves us from looking uncertain, bored, or awkward. But it also signals that we are unavailable.

Leaving it in a pocket or bag while waiting in a queue, walking into a lecture or sitting in a shared space creates opportunities for eye contact, a smile or a spontaneous conversation. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but many friendships begin in precisely these unremarkable, in-between moments.

Not every conversation will turn into a friendship, and not every flat will immediately feel like a family. The important thing is to create enough opportunities for connection to happen. Sometimes it begins with nothing more complicated than looking up and being present.

Movement deserves a place on the list too, but I would not send a child to university with the message that they need to “go to the gym”. I would send them with the message that they need to move.

There is a difference.

Movement supports mood, cognition, sleep and the way the body responds to stress, but it does not have to involve Lycra, a punishing fitness plan or an expensive membership that will be abandoned by November.

Pack whatever makes the movement they already enjoy easier. If they run, take their trainers. If they swim, pack their swimming kit. If they enjoy football, climbing, dancing or cycling, make sure the things they need do not get sacrificed because there is not enough room in the car.

Most importantly, pack comfortable waterproof shoes and a proper coat. Walking to lectures, exploring a new city on foot or going outside after several hours at a desk are among the simplest ways to build movement and daylight into everyday life.

We must also prepare students for the fact that university will sometimes be stressful. That does not mean something has gone wrong.

Exams, deadlines, homesickness, changing relationships, unfamiliar situations and occasionally getting things spectacularly wrong are part of becoming an adult. Our job is not to remove every difficult experience but to help young people develop ways of regulating themselves when those experiences arrive.

Before they leave, help them identify what works for them. Perhaps it is walking, calling someone, taking a shower, listening to music, exercising, writing things down, going outside or slowing their breathing for a few minutes.

Make sure they know where to find help before they need it: how to register with a GP, where to locate the university wellbeing service and whom to contact if they are struggling. That information takes up no room in the car, but it may be one of the most important things they take.

Then there are the things that cannot be bought.

Send your child to university with permission for it not to be perfect.

Tell them they do not have to meet their best friends during Freshers’ Week. Feeling homesick does not mean they have made a terrible mistake. Everyone else is not necessarily having as much fun as their social media suggests. It is all right to turn down another night out, and asking for help is not a failure.

One bad day, one disappointing mark, one awkward friendship or one tearful phone call home does not define an entire university experience.

We spend an enormous amount of time preparing the stuff. Perhaps we should spend a little more time preparing the person.

Your child does not need to arrive at university with everything figured out- not their bedroom, friendships, career or, certainly, themselves.

Give them the basics, give them some practical tools, give them permission to wobble. Then give them the space to work out the rest.

The best thing we can send our children to university with is not something we can order online.

It is the knowledge of how to look after themselves when we are no longer in the room.

The university wellbeing packing list

For sleep: A comfortable pillow, sleep mask, earplugs, a warm bedside lamp, and a separate alarm clock.

For food: A few genuinely useful pieces of kitchen equipment, a reusable water bottle, food containers and three or four meals they know how to cook.

For movement: Comfortable trainers or walking shoes, a waterproof coat and whatever they need for an activity they genuinely enjoy.

For connection: A pack of cards, a couple of extra mugs, the confidence to make the first cup of tea and the habit of occasionally keeping their phone out of sight.

For their room: Photographs, familiar objects, something soft and comforting and perhaps a hard-to-kill plant.

For difficult days: A few strategies they know can help them manage stress, along with clear information about where and how to ask for support.

Philippa Charrier is an author, keynote speaker and student wellbeing advocate. She is the co-founder of FAT Properties and the author of Designed for Wellbeing and Student Thrive Mode. She writes and speaks about how our environments and everyday behaviours influence student health, connection and performance. For speaking, media and collaboration enquiries, visit philippacharrier.com or email hello@philippacharrier.com.